Being Me

I’m finally done with my second internal assessment and found some peace from those bulky books...for at least a few days. And I can finally write otherwise I’d feel stagnant. I don’t think I’d want to mention how my exams went. Oh how I miss those days when I used to ask my teacher about the top scorer and he would just give me a smile and I’d know it was me. Now my life has turned topsy-turvy.

i'm not a bookworm...;)...but i look like one

Sometimes I regret entering this medical field. All you do the entire day is look after the patients…standing all the time and at the end of the day there’s nothing left for you. No one to applause you. And to add salt to the wounds, some patients are like “Sister, you’re just a novice…I won’t allow you to insert needle in me”…and how I wish to say “Oh yeah, why don’t you try inserting it yourself…duh I know more than you know”. But this is what I have to say “Oh there’s no problem…I can try it some other time” and smile.

Arghh…If I don’t practice now, how the hell am I going to learn? And what’s up with this sister stuff? I ain’t anybody’s sister and I don’t like being called one. Of course I don’t like being called brother either…lol. I know I’m supposed to be polite and I swear I’ve improved a lot but some patients (and their visitors) are so not worthy of respect.

But sometimes when you meet those geriatric patients who don’t have good memory and caress your cheeks thinking you’re their daughter who’s married off abroad or that young lady who survived her suicide poisoning attempt and is full atropine combined violence but relives her memories assuming you as her childhood friend or that small school boy who’s a victim of 75% burn but still manages to shine a smile at your sight in spite of the language barrier because of the care you provided him…you feel like “Wow I can heal someone’s sorrow and I’m on the right path”.

i don't know if we're allowed to take pictures in the hospital...but i did...:p

At least I have learnt to have a grip over my hunger and sleep because of these hospital postings. But most of all I’ve learnt…not only about medicine but about life. May be I didn’t wanted this life at all because I’d always been so carefree and always wanted to do everything the wilder way. I had thought that I was gonna get a tattoo when I study my bachelors and color my hair yellow and the list goes on. May be this is life’s way of questioning me “what’s up with your attitude, girl? Come back down to earth!” . But maybe this is what they call ‘fate’.

When I wrote this blog-post I wasn’t sure if I wanted to post this. An incident happened stimulating a tumultuous condition in my head forcing me to question myself if I should stop writing and just cut my connections to all the people. How can they be so cruel? How can they not acknowledge that what might seem fun to them might hurt other people so bad? But then I realized that writing is what I love and even if nobody reads what I write I’m still gonna write. If you can’t encourage, at least shut up and don’t discourage…God’s watching over everyone of us.

Serious talks apart. Did I mention that I’ve been in love with the moon since the past 5 years? Yeah, of course it loves me back but this damn distance creates the problem…hehe.

I love watching the moon. The moon, I feel, is like a connection to our loved ones. No matter how far we are…every one of us watches the same moon. Though Nokia claims of connecting people, I think I’ll stick with the older reliable medium. I feel like watching the moon is the best feeling in the world. And it’s even swell when you can watch it from your window…laying in the bed…thinking things…it’s perfect.

“It’s a little piece of magic that comes out every night even when times get hard to remind you that everyday holds a potential for beauty.”      ~Hilary Duff, The Perfect Man

Someone once told, “Enjoy the little things in life for one day you’ll look back and realize that they were big things”.

So until I write again, keep enjoying those little things in your life.

J